Many readers of this blog have grown to like short homophone, pun, and unusual word stories without emitting audible groans. Thus, to influence my graphophobic and metrophobic readers, here is a another short piece of flash fiction that will stick to your thinking caps like peanut butter sticks to…ooops, sorry if you are arachibutyrophobic.
A Diamond in the Ruff
Jimmy stood on the peak of the hill to peek at Nancy playing tennis down below with his best friend Cliff; yes he was pique. How could Cliff do this. Cliff had even helped Jimmy through a really hard time adjusting to college… he was Jimmy’s rock. Now! Now, Cliff was like a qanat; ‘Which would not be a bad word if you were playing Scrabble,’ thought Jimmy. The sight of them from his viewing site caused Jimmy to cite out loud the words he had written to Nancy on their recent trip, “Eiffel in love in Paris.”
When the tennis match was over, Nancy and Cliff simply clunked rackets and went in different directions; suddenly, Jimmy felt fandangled. He waited a few minutes, then walked to his car, which was thankfully parked on the other side of the hill from the tennis court parking lot. It would have been a real scene if he had been seen watching them. Looking at his watch, Jimmy realized he had only few minutes to drive over to her house for dinner.
The two talked about their day. Nancy said she had bumped into Cliff at the tennis courts and they played a set. He thought, ‘well, I did not see any fouls committed, so I guess all is OK.’ Nancy had cooked a fowl, and when she brought it to the table, Jimmy remarked, “Ah, did you know that a waitress who plays tennis is great at serving?” Nancy laughed; a good sign. She then said, “I lost the match, but did not cry; ’cause you should never cry when you’re playing tennis, or you could be charged with racket tearing.”
Jimmy would marry Nancy, remain friends with Cliff, and work in zoosemiotics. Oh, Nancy’s dog swallowed her engagement ring and she ended up with a diamond in the Ruff.
A Diamond in the Ruff, © Steven S. Walsky, 2014
Arachibutyrophobia: fear of peanut butter sticking to roof of mouth.
Fandangle: pretentious tomfoolery.
Graphophobia: fear of writing.
Metrophobia: fear of poetry.
Qanat: underground tunnel for carrying irrigation water.
Zoosemiotics: study of animal communication.