Moldy Cheese (Homophone Flash Fiction)

Ted was in a rush to find an eyrie because today, October 9th, was going to be an eerie day at work. Being at a restaurant on National Moldy Cheese Day could wreak havoc with the customers who were not accustomed to the reek of moldy cheese. Even though the moldy cheese was just on display, the pale green cheese in the display pail invoked lots of ‘dangs’. It was tough to get the customers to accept the tuff looking blob.

Thus, Ted had spent a week trying to think up nice responses to the customers ‘what!’ comments; but all of his ideas were far too weak. He remembered being a child on a brae in Scotland, where even the goats would bray when they saw moldy cheese in their feed trough. Not wanting to sound like an omen prophet, he was not going to tell the owner about possible lost profit. Sure, celebrating this holiday was something new at the restaurant, but everyone knew the dangers.

He was right; on October 9th, the moldy cheese smell in the dining room brought forth lots of rheum! One did not have to canvass the customer reaction, as too many openly said that they wanted to cover the moldy cheese with canvas. Thankfully, a few hours later there was a rap on the kitchen door, and the manager said National Moldy Cheese Day was a wrap! Ted wondered who gave the manager the cue that customer kyu was leading to the queue for the door.
(Moldy Cheese, © Steven S. Walsky, October 2018.)

October 9th is National Moldy Cheese Day!


Teasing Bret (Hmophone Flash Fiction)

“You should have seen Melvin’s phiz when the fizz of his soda hit the celling”, laughed Bret. Of course being childhood friends, Joe laughed at Bret’s coarse humor. However, Joe knew that Bret’s whacks at people did not wax friendships. Joe also knew that the smile Bret wore in public hid his true war of words. Thus Joe was careful to laager the wagons when Bret had too much lager.

It was a Saturday night fête and, as fate would have it, Bret was in fine form. Thus, Joe and other friends were well aware that Bret’s love to synch homophones, if out of hand, could sink a party. This is why Beverly thought of a humorous feat for Bret that would knock him off his homophone feet. She asked Bret to balance a ball on his head and bawl out the alphabet for some money.

Not one to pass up a challenge, Bret checked the knot on his tie. He stood straight, using a stare at the picture of the Strait of Gibraltar map next to the stair to steady himself, as Beverly placed the tennis ball on his head. To be frank, Bret lost the bet by the letter ‘B’ and did not win a single Franc.

Thus, Bret said he was through with games, and threw the ball out the window. As for his friends, they had a good laugh the next day over their teas for having a good tease on Bret.
(Teasing Bret, © Steven S. Walsky, September 2018.)

Learning the Gallop (Homophone Flash Fiction)

Dan has seen this scene before, and to be fair, he lends the poor man money for the bus fare. With a flare of a smile, Nancy acknowledges Dan’s flair for good citizenship. Just the other day, Dan passed up another lager, so he could donate to the local homeless laager.

As the bus made its way down the road, a person rode by on a horse. “Must be a rancher nob,” commented Dan, as he turned the station knob on his radio.

“Why,” asked Nancy.

“He’s too bold. He just bowled by this bus way too fast.”

“You ever ride a horse?” she asked.

“I don’t want to bore you, no; but I rode a boar when I was seven.”

“You what?”

“It was either gallop on the hog, or have to spend time inside the barn learning the gallop;” Dan laughed.

“You get away with it?”

“Nay, the dance teacher heard the piggy neigh. I could write an ode about all the time I then owed the teacher.”

“I bet you were quite staid while you stayed in the dance class.”

“Well…after about six more lessons, someone…not me…put coal dust in the teacher’s kohl container. She said enough was enough, and ended the lessons.”

“I guess,” chuckled Nancy, “that would lessen anyone’s flare, regardless of her flair at dancing.”

(Learning the Gallop, © Steven S. Walsky, August 2018.)