Fred and Beverly Visit London (A short pun story; repost)

It was Fred and Beverly’s first visit to London, and their first stop was Buckingham Palace. Fred, who liked castles, mentioned to Beverly that ‘a man’s home is his castle in a manor of speaking’. She silently groaned. “And did you know that a moat protects a castle in a round-about way?” added Fred. “I do know that the food they serve to the guards at Buckingham Palace can last for sentries,” quipped Beverly.

When they met the tour guide, the guide informed the group that should they see a member of the Royal Family, “please remember that people stand up for royalty; while the Queen sits down for royal tea.” Beverly said she liked tea because it was so therapeutic. When Fred asked why, she said, “Because boiling the water raises your self of steam.” The tour guide heard her comment and remarked, “Earl Grey was away on business during the last election; so he cast an absent-tea ballot.“

Their next stop would be Ireland, where people have a happy time vacationing because they are walking on Eire.
(Fred and Beverly Visit London, © Steven S. Walsky, August 2016.)

Santa Leaves the Farm (Flash Fiction repost)

Few people know that Santa was a dairy farmer prior to his Christmas gift fame. Although he was very successful, there were snags to Santa’s happy existence. For example, on the farm his cows’ derrieres contributed to the dairy air. Also, being a wonderful guy meant that his overly pampered cows would sometimes give spoiled milk. Nevertheless, Santa’s dairy herd became a cash cow; and Santa used the money to go into the toy business.

Santa’s first task was to interview prospective aides to aid him in making the toys; he used some ice cold ade to ease the interview process. Unfortunately, Santa’s love for cookies would sometimes keep him in the kitchen far too long and Santa was lucky to make it to the interview room in the Nick of time. Having sold Christmas trees as a young Santa, he knew how to spruce himself up for the interviews.

Santa had to think about what kind of toys to make. Santa was an early riser because he knew that those who get up at sunrise have many ideas dawn on them. An elf broached the subject of making toy brooches. The final decision arrived when Santa received a letter from the president of a local bank, who wrote that Santa’s precedence should be to follow toy industry precedents. That’s why we find such a wide variety of toys in Santa’s workshop.

With his workforce at the ready, Santa wanted to have a catchy advertising pitch; because a good ad adds to the business. One day, while crossing the river on a ferry, Santa thought about using Christmas fairies. Another time he thought about sheep after he had yelled, “Hay you ewes stop eating the yew!” He saved the video he took with his iPhone and would post it later on Ewe Tube.

So, this Christmas try to remember that Santa could have stayed in the dairy business. If he had, all those gift wrappers would not be presently employed.
Santa Leaves the Farm, Steven S. Walsky, December 2015.)

Merry Christmas!

during their logomachy (Flash Fiction)

This 74 word flash fiction uses odd words from the Oxford Dictionarie.

During their logomachy, she looked deasil across the sky and had a cacoethes. However, the cerulean reminded her that his mental wonderings were fugacious. She also reminded herself that his love was not Barmecide. Looking at the etui in her hand she knew, as evidenced by this thoughtful gift, that her opsimath lover was becoming less superbious. Giving him a hug, she whispered “Let’s not let any pother make our love vagarious.” They kissed.
(during their logomachy. © Steven S Walsky, December 2018.)

Odd Words from the Oxford Dictionarie
Barmecide: illusory or imaginary and therefore disappointing.
cacoethes: an urge to do something inadvisable.
cerulean: deep sky blue.
deasil: clockwise or in the direction of the sun’s course.
etui: a small ornamental case for holding needles, cosmetics, and other articles.
fugacious: transient or fleeting.
logomachy: an argument about words.
opsimath: a person who begins to learn or study late in life.
pother: a commotion or fuss.
superbious: proud and overbearing.
vagarious: erratic and unpredictable in behaviour or direction.