Boos and Booze (Homophone Flash Fiction)

The band was banned from playing at the pub again due to their recent bad performances. Someone even scribbled on the bulletin board how bored the audience had become at the base player’s sick jokes. While their bald drummer bawled, the clientele rendered lots of boos as they toasted the announcement with their booze. Thus, red as a beet, the drummer could no longer keep beat. And the blue faced trumpeter blew sour notes. It was bartender Fred who suggested the patrons form a bloc to block further atrocious music. “But,” said Fred, as he smacked a beer butt, “I would rather be bored than being smacked by a board. And their music made you want to leave your beer on the bier!”
(Bar None, © Steven S. Walsky, April 2018.)


He Totally Disappeared (Flash Fiction, humor)

It was early on the afternoon of the 20th of March, and the office in Biloxi, Mississippi was very busy. The staff could hardly keep up with the phone calls and emails. However, even with all the hustle and bustle, Fred’s empty desk was an attention grabber. For, it was very ‘un-Fred’ for him to be out of the office; besides, someone had seen him that morning at a coffee café drive-thru. Calls to his cell phone had gone unanswered. Then, about 2PM the office manager received a call from the Toronto, Canada police. Fred’s car had been found abandoned in the city, and they found one of Fred’s business cards.

Of course the office manager said that it was not Fred’s car, since there was no way for Fred to have driven to Toronto in a few short hours. To this, the police officer responded, “The license plate is from Mississippi, and registered to him!” The stunned office manager asked the officer to wait a moment while he spoke to the coworker who had seen Fred. The coworker told the officer that it was definitely Fred at the coffee café. “Look, we have the vehicle!” The coworker dropped the phone.

Two days later, still no Fred. It was if he had totally disappeared from planet Earth. The Toronto Police had contacted the FBI for assistance, and Fred’s fellow office personnel were questioned. Tony remembered Fred had said something about interesting colored lights reflecting off his bedroom window, but there was no lit object outside when Fred investigated. Another employee said that Fred had recently complained that he could not find some clothes that he had hung in the closet a week earlier. While the coworkers did not think these happenings were important, the investigators did not seem surprised by them.

It did seem odd to the coworkers that a search of Fred’s desk by the investigators revealed a clipped together small stack of newspaper and magazine articles that all dealt with unidentified flying objects. Fred had never mentioned UFOs. It was then that Sally mentioned that Fred seemed to have become somewhat nerves when leaving work in the evening, and had started stealthily looking over his shoulder up to the sky.

With months passing, and still no sign of Fred, the company decided to hang a picture of Fred in the building lobby commemorating the day he disappeared. “What a coincidence,” commented a visitor, “he disappeared on March 20th, Extraterrestrial Abductions Day!”

(He Totally Disappeared, © Steven S. Walsky, March 2018.)

Extraterrestrial Abductions Day is always celebrated on March 20th.

Potato Chip Day (Flash Fiction)

Fred gave a worried look when he saw on his calendar that National Potato Chip Day was March 14th. “Doh,” way too loud, roused Linda’s attention. She had been watching a doe eating some left over dough in their back yard. Turning towards Fred, “What foolish or stupid action are you dohing about?” Fred sighed, “National Potato Chip Day is next week, and I don’t have any extra dough to buy a case of chips!”

Every year since he stopped sailing the seas with the Navy, Fred would seize the moment on March 14th and buy a case of some great chips for his friends to enjoy. In his mind Fred sees the empty box.  It would be like a bight along the river, where the fish liked to hide, and like a missing byte of data, this National Potato Chip Day will be very bite-less.

“Fred, you’re going to the sports store today. While you’re by the food store, buy some chips.”

“What! If I get the wrong chips, my friends will say bye, bye Fred.”

“This is not a kyu Freddy. Your buddies will queue up once the aroma of the chips cue it’s time to dig in!”

After an hour of contemplation, Fred knew that Linda was right. His friends will attend the Potato Chip rite because he was a host for good get-togethers. A party that his friends would write about to their friends.

Fred thanked Lida, for she always had the words to get him back in synch when his bad thoughts made happiness sink!

(Potato Chip Day, © Steven S. Walsky March 2018.)