Santa Leaves the Farm (Flash Fiction repost)

Few people know that Santa was a dairy farmer prior to his Christmas gift fame. Although he was very successful, there were snags to Santa’s happy existence. For example, on the farm his cows’ derrieres contributed to the dairy air. Also, being a wonderful guy meant that his overly pampered cows would sometimes give spoiled milk. Nevertheless, Santa’s dairy herd became a cash cow; and Santa used the money to go into the toy business.

Santa’s first task was to interview prospective aides to aid him in making the toys; he used some ice cold ade to ease the interview process. Unfortunately, Santa’s love for cookies would sometimes keep him in the kitchen far too long and Santa was lucky to make it to the interview room in the Nick of time. Having sold Christmas trees as a young Santa, he knew how to spruce himself up for the interviews.

Santa had to think about what kind of toys to make. Santa was an early riser because he knew that those who get up at sunrise have many ideas dawn on them. An elf broached the subject of making toy brooches. The final decision arrived when Santa received a letter from the president of a local bank, who wrote that Santa’s precedence should be to follow toy industry precedents. That’s why we find such a wide variety of toys in Santa’s workshop.

With his workforce at the ready, Santa wanted to have a catchy advertising pitch; because a good ad adds to the business. One day, while crossing the river on a ferry, Santa thought about using Christmas fairies. Another time he thought about sheep after he had yelled, “Hay you ewes stop eating the yew!” He saved the video he took with his iPhone and would post it later on Ewe Tube.

So, this Christmas try to remember that Santa could have stayed in the dairy business. If he had, all those gift wrappers would not be presently employed.
Santa Leaves the Farm, Steven S. Walsky, December 2015.)

Merry Christmas!

A to Z odd words (Dictionary Day)

In honor of Dictionary Day, October 16th, let’s look at some odd words that could add zest to our writing:
Anguilliform: resembling an eel in form and characteristics.

Barmecide: adjective: illusory or imaginary and therefore disappointing; noun: a person who offers benefits that are illusory or disappointing.

Chanticleer: a rooster in a fairy tale.

Etui: a small ornamental case for holding needles, cosmetics, and other articles.

Hwyl: a stirring feeling of emotional motivation and energy which is associated with the Welsh people.

Mumpsimus: a traditional custom or notion that is adhered to although it has been shown to be unreasonable.

Rubricate: to add elaborate capital letters (typically red ones) or other decorations to a manuscript.

Triskaidekaphobia: Extreme superstition, fear of, the number thirteen.

Zoanthropy: delusion of a person who believes himself changed into an animal.

Dictionary Day is in honor of Noah Webster, considered the Father of the American Dictionary. Noah Webster was born on October 16, 1758.

Think about your ‘building blocks’; we can not write without them.

Moldy Cheese (Homophone Flash Fiction)

Ted was in a rush to find an eyrie because today, October 9th, was going to be an eerie day at work. Being at a restaurant on National Moldy Cheese Day could wreak havoc with the customers who were not accustomed to the reek of moldy cheese. Even though the moldy cheese was just on display, the pale green cheese in the display pail invoked lots of ‘dangs’. It was tough to get the customers to accept the tuff looking blob.

Thus, Ted had spent a week trying to think up nice responses to the customers ‘what!’ comments; but all of his ideas were far too weak. He remembered being a child on a brae in Scotland, where even the goats would bray when they saw moldy cheese in their feed trough. Not wanting to sound like an omen prophet, he was not going to tell the owner about possible lost profit. Sure, celebrating this holiday was something new at the restaurant, but everyone knew the dangers.

He was right; on October 9th, the moldy cheese smell in the dining room brought forth lots of rheum! One did not have to canvass the customer reaction, as too many openly said that they wanted to cover the moldy cheese with canvas. Thankfully, a few hours later there was a rap on the kitchen door, and the manager said National Moldy Cheese Day was a wrap! Ted wondered who gave the manager the cue that customer kyu was leading to the queue for the door.
(Moldy Cheese, © Steven S. Walsky, October 2018.)

October 9th is National Moldy Cheese Day!