The Oreo Cookie Pretentiousness Test

I thought about re-posting this as I was eating an Oreo cookie (okay four).

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Dave: “I also learned people can try to hide their true personalities, but the oddest things give them away. So it was with the Oreo Cookie Pretentiousness Test. I had once made a comment to Donna concerning the pretentiousness of Mandy; one of many such comments. Anyway, one day while Mandy and I were on our way to eat lunch at a trendy café she liked in the older section of the city, Mandy raved about the desserts the place offered. I asked if they had cheesecake, and Mandy replied: ‘Cheesecake has become so…so passé Dave; no one who is anyone orders cheesecake.’ She might as well tell me the moon is no longer in the sky just for lovers.”

“Mandy, how do you eat an Oreo cookie?”

“An Oreo cookie? You mean the ones with the white stuff?”

“That’s the ones; how do you eat them? Do you pull the two sides apart and eat the cream filling first. Or do you just bite into the cookie. Or maybe pop the entire cookie in your mouth all at once?”

“That’s sick!”

“What’s sick?”

“Stuffing the whole cookie in your mouth.”

“OK, so what technique do you use?”

“I don’t eat Oreo cookies.”

“Why not?”

“They’re…so…so childish. Adults do not eat them.”

“So you’re telling me you never sit on your sofa in front of the TV and eat Oreo cookies?”

“No.”

“Would you even consider sitting at your breakfast nook table with me and dunking a few Oreos in milk?”

“Dave, this conversation is pointless. I stopped eating those things when I was a kid and even then, I would never dunk a cookie in milk!”

“This is the basis for the Oreo Cookie Pretentiousness Test. If he, or she, thinks dunking Oreo cookies is childish, or does not have the desire to twist the two sides apart and saver the cream filling like it was gold, be forewarned! As for Mandy, I understood her problem, dunking cookies might endanger her jewelry, and definitely her nails.”

(Through a Stranger’s Eyes is a work of fiction copyrighted by Steven S. Walsky, 2005.)

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A Real Life Raisonneur (325 odd word story, repost)

                             A Real Life Raisonneur (325 odd word story)
Resting on his laurels would not be roborant for their relationship. He realized that she was ready to rifacimento, and to maintain the starring role required his rapt attention. This was the reason he held the elegantly wrapped gift as he rapped on the door.

As soon as she saw the red bow, she read his mind; and racked her brain to remember, reluctantly, which rack in the recital room she had placed his gift. They exchanged greetings, and he commented on her raglan sweater. She thought that he was a real life raisonneur from her draft novel. Thus, without rhyme or reason, she put her arms around him and gave him a ravishing kiss. He was raptus as they relocated to the settee.

After their ‘I missed you kisses,’ she went to the kitchen to retrieve some refreshments. The recess from rapture gave him a chance to look around the room. He noticed the rare raad in the fish tank, and his relativism training rang a bell in the recess of his mind. He did not want to be shocked. True, he had reviewed their relationship last night; nonetheless, he was somewhat reluctant to rate it as a revue, not sincere. ‘Don’t let your mind roam,’ he reminded himself; ‘love, like Rome isn’t built in a day!’

When she returned, they ‘talked about the weather’ and became relaxed. She remarked that even though he was a novelist, like herself, he was not a ragabash. “A raconteur maybe,” he replied. Then he noticed that her watch was not on her right wrist. “What happened to it?” “Lost it at the spa,” was her forlorn reply.
Reluctantly the time rushed past, and it was that moment when you had to say good night. Yes, recess was over. They embraced as one, and shuffled to the door.

When the door closed behind him, he thought, ‘a lovely lady who lost her watch has become a timeless beauty.”

(A Real Life Raisonneur, © Steven S. Walsky, October 2015.)

Odd Words:
Raad: electric catfish.
Ragabash: idle worthless fellow.
Raglan: having sleeves going all the way to the neck.
Relativism: doctrine that knowledge and truth are relative to contexts.
Rifacimento: recasting of a literary or musical work.
Raisonneur: person in a play or book embodying author’s viewpoint.
Raptus: trance; rapture; seizure.
Roborant: strengthening drug or tonic.
Raconteur: teller of anecdotes.